There are phases in my life where I can get up every morning, and be very eager to start the day doing what I love to reach things I dream. However, there are also days where even to get up and do the necessary things (like showering and have breakfast) is a struggle. I sometimes have this tendency to do inaction. I prefer to just stare at the ceiling, let my mind wander on things I never do and goals I failed to achieve. Or unproductively scroll through endless streams of things my friends do and publish to their social profiles. I am their biggest consumers. The instant gratification of just looking at things people do, outweighs any plans I have for the day.

I don’t know if it’s a trait, or a bad habit I need to get rid of. To follow a growth mindset minds that I must discard anything related to innate traits, and frame everything into things that I can do if I work on them hard enough. So it must be something that I can work on then. I tried to watch motivational videos, there are even Spotify Playlists catering the needs of people like me. Most of the time, it works though. Some times, I just feel irritated by the narrator shouting at me, for not being good enough or not trying hard enough or not owning my life fully. Hmmm.

If only I can study this thing called “motivation”, I might work on it better. Hoping that I too, can have a more stable spirit in life. So I gradually bought books relating to this topic. But to this day, none has been read. Sigh.